Hong Kong, “Asia’s world city”, has become the battleground for a new type of urban “guerilla warfare” – defiant anti-government protesters have adopted a “flash mob” strategy, as evidenced in their hit-and-run rampage against police across several districts over the weekend.
要把這段文字寫成流暢的native English, 需要注意什麽細節？我的建議如下：
I must say I’m bewildered by the author’s enthusiasm for quotation marks - there are a whopping three pairs in this 41-word paragraph. Outside the purpose of indicating direct speech, one should use quotation marks sparingly, for they may create confusion： in unskilled hands, quotation marks distract the reader by making her wonder whether the quoted matter came from a source she ought to have known.
The author’s description of the protesters as “defiant” seems to me a mark of her insensitivity to the nuances of the English Language. “Defiant” has a positive connotation; since, as a known pro-Beijing figure, the author should have no intention of painting the protesters as heroes, she should have used a word with negative undertones - I would have used “unruly.”
I’d hesitate to describe the protesters’ clashes with the police as “hit-and-run rampage(s).” “Hit and run” is associated with serious injuries, if not death; “rampage” implies unchecked violence on an extensive scale. Even readers with pro-government sensibilities should agree that neither is an accurate characterization of what the protesters have been committing.
The following less-is-more approach would have allowed the author to remain safely Beijing-friendly without putting off readers who are somewhat sympathetic towards the protesters:
Hong Kong’s reputation as Asia’s world’s city is fast losing its luster, as rioters transform the once smooth-running financial hub into a launching pad for their cat-and-mouse game with the police, causing public disorder in one district, only to evade capture and re-surface in another part of town to repeat their misdeeds.
Notice I've managed to express the author’s meaning without resorting to quotation marks.
新航培訓師上課前就給空姐打預防針，讓她們對課程的苛刻程度有心理準備，他跟她們說：“I like mistakes, because when we have mistakes we can learn from them.”
這話我不但經常跟學生說，也經常跟自己說：沒國際學校背景的中國人寫native English是十分難的，當我edit自己的稿子，察覺到自己大大小小的stylistic errors 時，首先要不向恐懼屈服，才能氣定神閑地把錯誤逐一糾正。
隨著中共不斷地打壓香港，我的日子就更加「與恐懼為伍」，我要害怕的不單是空白的電腦屏幕，還有被送中的可能。我時常嘗試說服自己要以平常心面對：這也好，我在學生前能演示的不單是我如何戰勝 my fear of the bank canvas，還能演示我如何在強權的淫威下實踐我的信念；我傳授的不單是一項技能，更是一種精神。我中學時期接觸到的Charles Dickens那句名言—— “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times”——在我踏入中年之際，竟然成為我的人生寫照，不能說這一切不是時代給我的禮物吧！